Fathers of sons: disappointment, power and powerlessness
Abstract
Disappointment is associated with negative parent-child relationships. It is linked to fathers’ expectations of what fathering is, or should be, and the emotional and relational density underpinning the hopes fathers carry. Analyzing fathers’ responses provides important insights into what power actually feels like for a father who loves his son. Parenting challenges, like disappointment, provide opportunities for fathers to confront themselves and, sometimes, to change. Acknowledging these aspects is important for anyone wanting to understand, or work with men. Practitioners need to help fathers see and value the various ways they can draw close to their sons, or “be” with their sons, in the absence of shared activity.
Keywords: disappointment, fathers, masculinity, power, sons
Author Biography
Robert Plukeis a registered Counselling Psychologist in private practice, and he lives and works in South Africa. Particular areas of interest include child and adolescent mental health, parenting, and issues relevant to men. Over the years Rob has presented many talks and workshops on parenting, including ‘Courage to Connect’ which is specifically designed for fathers and their children. Rob’s PhD focused on fathers’ experience of disappointment, and the ways fathers coped with and responded to this difficult relational challenge. Rob has written articles for various magazines, and he has written two books: Parenting the sensitive child and A son to be proud of. Underlying both is the notion of the transforming potential of the ‘I – Thou’ encounter between parent and child.
